We all care so much about what others think of us that often we are portraying only a slice of who we really are. So how can we compare ourselves to others when we don't see and know everything about them?
It's a question I have to ask myself constantly yet we all do it.
It's a dangerous road to self-loathing and self-sabotaging, we look elsewhere for confirmation that we're not fun enough, adventurous enough, mature enough, and the list just goes on and on. It's especially hard not to in a environment full of technology and social media. With technology quite literally at our fingertips it's become too easy to overshare everything we want known (or not known).
Comparing is a simple enough concept, you look at one thing and size it up to something else, people, money, love, fame, success and so on. I'm not going to make you sit here and read a rant about how social media is creating an unhealthy image for people to pick at themselves about. Because the reality is we know this already and this happens with and without social media, social media is a powerful tool that is great for connecting with others and letting others know how you express yourself. Yet we will keep comparing ourselves to others until we make the choice to become happy with who we are.
All comparing does is make you feel less than what you really are, you try to quite literally change a triangle into a square and you are never quite satisfied always chasing the next comparison. If this is something you find yourself doing on numerous occasions, you need to first take a step back from whatever it is you are comparing yourself with and focus instead on building up your own self love and goals.
I'm serious.
Stop staring at that person's instagram feed wishing it was you. Stop staring at those "so in love couples" and wishing that was you. Stop getting jealous over that person who drives a nice car and wears a Rolex.
Look, we've all been there and honestly it sucks. I used to do it more than I care to admit but the reality is it didn't help me reach any of my individual goals and it made me forget what I actually wanted out of life.
I recommend for people that find themselves comparing themselves regularly is to first distance themselves from the temptation of comparing. Take a step back from that platform on social media, reduce the amount of time you spend on that app and instead apply it to something else that makes you feel good like swimming, riding a bike or reading a book. Give yourself your own personal goals to reach, ones that are achievable and will influence your life for the better.
Most importantly though the best way I found to stop comparing myself to others is to really love who you are and the life that you live. Surround yourself with people that make you feel confident and loved, keep yourself busy with your interests, understand that people achieve goals at different stages in life, and remind yourself that no two people will ever be the same no matter how hard they try to be.
I have learnt that people will have different opinions on what I should do, look like and be, but that's okay. I will have those opinions on other people too occasionally, but the most important thing to remain close to is to know your own self worth and that you can be who ever and what ever you want to be. I am still figuring out everything from my style, my thoughts on relationships, my career aspirations and where I want to be in the future. I've been the happiest I've ever been though due to the fact that I have stopped thinking:
'what will they think if I post this online?'
"will people be staring at me because of what I'm wearing?'
'will that person reject me if I make a move?'
I now just think of what I want to do and what will make me happy in the end. This doesn't mean always putting your needs first before everyone else's but just realising that you are one fine boss ass person that shouldn't need to turn to comparison to realise who you are.
Figure out what you really want then put the work in. People that respect and love you will be there cheering you on. As Grace Jones once said, "In a room full of people want yourself first."
Love T
x
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