You've probably heard the "you attract who you are" term but it's true that your relationships reflect the relationship you have with yourself.
Whether we realise it or not, we are impacted by the people we keep in our lives. So how do you attract the right kinds of people that will positively impact your life? The short answer people like to say, is you attract what you are, but really it's more complicated than that.
Let's learn how to attract the right people.
If you are someone that is struggling to meet that special someone you want to settle down with, or maybe you feel like your friendship group isn't looking out for your best interests...listen here. It's not that you're attracting the wrong people it's that you're choosing the wrong ones.
"You don't attract the wrong people. You attract all kinds of people, you just choose wrong."
So let's not go down the route of, “How can I attract a better partner?”, instead ask, “What can I do to help myself attract more options and to pick the right one to date?”
#1: Be the person you want to attract and invest in yourself
Life is too short to not be your most authentic self, we get one life, one life experience, so use it*. Authenticity shines through and people can see that and that is where meaningful connections and relationships will be made. Do the hobbies and activities that make you happy, and share these with others. Soon you'll find that you'll be attracting people that share a similar passion or people that love seeing other people happy doing what they love.
Live life for yourself first and foremost, you are the one you're going to be with the most so make sure you work on creating that love for yourself. Some people try and escape parts of themselves they don't like by latching on to others, they then bring them down with them and the cycle continues.
You know those people that may not be your romantic type but you just feel so drawn to them. Well, it’s their authenticity. You feel great in their presence because they have allowed themselves to be their true self. Invest time and love in yourself and watch the difference.
*I would like to highlight that not everyone has the same circumstance of being in a safe situation to be their most authentic self but I hope that the more accepting we as human beings become the easier it'll be for everyone.
#2: Have a clear understanding of yourself and what you want
Ok great, so you want to be your most authentic self but you're a bit clouded on who that is. Don't freak out it's completely normal to be confused about what you want in life and from yourself, it's also kinda scary too. This is one I'm still working out so let's learn this one together, shall we?
How are you meant to attract the right kinds of people in your life if you're not sure of what that even means? Who and what is the right type of person? This comes from growing up, experiencing life, making mistakes and learning what your boundaries are and maybe you've changed what you value now. Figure out what you appreciate in life, what goals you have, what makes you happy, and how certain people make you feel when you're around them. Do you feel empowered, safe, cared for, or respected?
For me personally, I love seeing how diverse and different my friends are because they all have different qualities that are important to me. Some have really aspirational work goals, some really value family, and some live life to the absolute most. But the one thing they have in common is that they make me feel seen and acknowledged, celebrating me in all areas of life. They push me to go for that pay rise, they read my blogs, they listen to my long crazy stories, and they only ever want me to succeed and be happy in life.
This can also be applied to the love department, focusing on what you want from a partner and also making sure that you are projecting the same message as well. It's all well and good to want to attract a certain person but make sure you are adding and bringing value to them as well. It's a two street always.
#3: Focus on adding value to others
Just like how you want to feel valued and appreciated so do the people you surround yourself with. Show them that you care, point out their strengths, and let them know you believe in them and what they're doing. Unfortunately, you have to be careful of this as some people will take advantage. Limit your time with people who drain your energy. We all have those people in our lives, and it's important to limit time with people who aren't healthy for us.
Be the person you want to attract and grow and connect together. Look for the best in people, and keep your mind open to new connections. Sometimes letting it unfold naturally is the best way to meet someone. With all this in mind remember your boundaries and be careful of becoming a 'Yes' person.
#4: Learn how to say 'No'
The most common way to prevent the right people from coming into your life is to try to please everyone. This is something I used to try way too hard in and yes I did attract lots of different people into my life but not necessarily the ones that treated me well. I wanted to be liked by every single person I met, that was in fact me not realising what I wanted and a sort of validation I needed to make myself feel better.
If you’re keeping everyone happy, then you’re not being special to anyone. When you love yourself, you protect yourself and you uphold boundaries for managing your time and energy. Do not attract abusers and toxic people by learning to say “no” when you have to.
At the end of the day, life is not a competition. You will find what you want and need in your own time and at your own pace. It’s also important that you enjoy yourself and soak in the experiences while they happen. Having a goal is good but don’t forget that life is now. Now let's attract those great people!
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