Do you always find yourself struggling to say no to plans you don't want to attend and feeling like you're obligated to say yes to everything? Or thinking that by saying yes to everything you're showing you can put yourself out there when really you're just exhausting yourself?
Does this sound familiar to you? Let me explain why it's okay for you to say no.
First of all, we know I write from experience so I am indeed a yes person, very much so. I've always been very outgoing and I love to experience as much as possible regardless of how anxious I get about situations I still force myself to say yes. I get a sense of accomplishment from pushing through my anxiety and showing up and most of the time I end up learning something new or enjoying myself.
Then there's the other side; I end up saying yes to plans even though I may have three events on the same day, saying yes to shifts when I'm already exhausted, saying yes to awkward situations, and saying yes that ends up having terrible repercussions later on. Slowly but surely I learnt that I was burning out, that I was saying yes to a lot of people's events that wouldn't do the same for me, and that just because you say yes doesn't mean it's always a good idea.
So how do you teach yourself to say no?
Ask yourself why are you saying yes, is this something that can help your career, is this something you really have to attend, or is this yes going to affect you negatively later on? All it takes is a moment for you to think first before saying yes. If it's plans or an event reply back with, "let me check my schedule and get back to you", that allows you to have some time to yourself to figure out what you want to do and if you can attend. Remember it's okay to say no to a party, an event, a dinner, or any social gathering if you are exhausted or if you need time to be by yourself. Not everyone understands this but it's so important that if someone tells you they can't attend your birthday dinner because they are stressed or tired don't make them feel they are a terrible friend, instead ask them if they are okay and to rest up, you can catch up with them another time.
I understand why we say yes to everything in terms of work, especially those of us who have multiple jobs or lots of bills that need to be paid every week. We want to be able to support ourselves and our families, and also be able to live the life we desire. It's not as simple as saying "work less, you'll be able to relax more" when it's the only income supporting you. Instead, I want to say listen to your gut instinct. If you are busting your ass with multiple jobs saying yes to every little shift with no reward ask yourself 'will this get me to where I want to be?' Or 'how can I use this energy to get to where I want to get to?'
Say yes to those extra shifts and say yes to those long hours if you see the reward and you feel it's worth it. Yes, it will be hard work but if this is a yes that can pay off and help you out in the long run trust yourself. But if you feel that your mental and physical health is suffering figure out what steps need to be taken to still get to that goal without damaging your health.
It's not always an easy thing to tell ourselves to stop and listen to our bodies or to stop and analyse whether the person you're putting energy into would do the same for you. I actually applaud those who do this well, I've never been good at doing this myself but I definitely want to start making the right decisions in doing so. For me, this includes to stop saying yes to events when my body is already fatigued, to pick and choose which event instead of doing them all, to budget better in the week so I don't feel like I have to say yes to every shift that is offered to me and to stop saying yes to people to please them.
I know it's not an easy change, especially because I'm still teaching myself but just remind yourself to stop and think before you say yes to something, don't feel guilty for saying no or for not having an excuse. Say yes because you want to not because you feel obliged to and then you'll start seeing a happier and more energetic version of yourself!
Happy choices guys, until next time!
T, x
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