Just the other week I celebrated my twenty third birthday (although I still tell everyone I'm nineteen), and it dawned on me that the long blonde hair girl that grew up with country Taylor Swift and reading Pretty Little Liar 'A' theories has well and truely aged. Ten whole years to be exact!
Back when I was thirteen I never even thought I'd get close to being 23 mainly because I thought I would be eternally young forever...that and I thought I was secretly a mermaid. But indeed I have reached 23 and unfortunately I didn't grow a mermaid tail, but in those ten years I have had plenty of highs and lows so I thought I'd look back and give my younger self some advice.
Dear 13 yr old Taye,
I know it's scary to think you'll be any older than you are today, but trust me these next 10 years are going to fly by! So now you're 13 that means you're in Gr.8, and I know how annoying it was to still be 11-12 in Highschool when everyone was turning into a teenager, but soon you'll love that you're a year or two younger than everyone because we get to finish school earlier, uni earlier, and shock everyone when we accomplish things at a younger age.
If there's one thing I could tell you it would be to remember to love and trust yourself- I know you always try to remain confident and people may think we always are but remember that you don't know everyones story and you're pretty lucky to have what you have- these friends you have now will be your rocks and will remain your best of friends hopefully your whole life.
When you get older you'll try your best to please everyone and try to fit in with new groups because you're in new environments- but please remember that how you feel with people you trust and love are the real people you want to surround yourself with. Screw pleasing everyone because in the end they won't become important to you in the long run- and you go on to do plenty fine. You'll just remember the great memories with the ones who made you laugh, made you feel valued, and the ones who made sure you were okay.
As for boys...I'm still figuring that one out...and that's okay because even at 23 we've stuck to our guns about waiting to feel something special, so stop worrying about trying to make him notice you with whatever hairstyle you've come up with today- even though I'm sure you look super cute. Over the next few years you're pretty lucky that you don't really experience mean girls or deal with crazy cliques because you're happy with your friends but you will experience how mean boys can really be. Think of it this way, their brains are just highly underdeveloped at the moment and it's going to take them awhile to mature, but as you get older I'm proud at how you stand up for yourself.
Oh, and you'll embarrass yourself a lot....like a lot. That's just who we are, we also like to remain pretty immature and young at heart for a long time (possibly forever), but that just makes for some fun memories and interesting stories.
You'll also come to realise that although you may think sport and school are the hardest and most important things in your life you'll also grow up to appreciate them. You're going to go through a phase where you hate every single sport you do, you'll blame your mum for pushing you too hard, and you'll hate yourself for not being better at them so you could excel and show everyone that a girl that likes makeup and clothes can also be a top runner or swimmer. I look back now and miss the competitiveness and having something to work towards but now I feel most happy when I'm being active for my health and fitness, now I only run to feel good, I only swim to enjoy the sunshine, and I only gym to feel strong.
I'm glad I was pushed to do as many things as I did, I made so many friends through it all, I still use everything I learnt from it today, and we also taught mum a valuable lesson... we teach her that not every child is good at every sport and instead can excel in other areas of life. Your little sisters are going to thank you for this- imagine Macie and Demi only doing one or two sports instead of ten.
And as for your family- you'll go through many ups and downs together but you'll learn that you'll do absolutely anything for them. Demi- your little mini me will grow up to be quite independent a lot faster than you can all see coming, but like you she feels so many emotions and she cares deeply for the people around her. Macie- finally the talented prodigy mum was waiting for...Macie will actually love and is talented at all sports and activities she does, it's actually scary at how much energy she has all the time. Jay- yes he allows you to call him Jay now and yes you guys are actually best friends now....I'm not joking....you're both going to move away from each other but you'll find yourself closer than ever the older you get. Dad- a girl will always look up to their dad no matter what, you see and love the best in everyone. Mum- You'll love her then hate her, you'll fight and then you'll make up. Moving out of home and maturing will be the best thing you ever did because it'll make you appreciate just how amazing she really is and just how tough she's had it, she'll become your best friend and your hero- again you'll stick up for her no matter what- through thick and thin because she'll do the same for you.
You're probably thinking of how terrible our writing and grammar has gotten- it's become quite lazy....oh and also keep writing and dreaming of being a journalist because that dream has carried us to where we are today in 2019. You'll also stress a lot to come about your future, I'm telling you now....only gr.11 and gr.12 count for marks and even after that it's not such a big deal. Gr.12 will be one of the hardest years for you but not necessarily in terms of school work- you know those American teen movies the ones that seem fake because you can't imagine people being that cruel.....I'm just going to tell you one little thing now.....you still remain positive and nice but it teaches you the importance of self worth and gets you ready for the real world.
Lastly remember that it's okay to ask for help, it's okay that life doesn't always go according to your plan, and it's okay to admit when you've done something wrong. Learn from your mistakes, learn who your real friends are, learn what your passions are in life, and remember to never stop being a kid that believes in fairy tales....just know that you're not the princess waiting to be helped or saved you're the damn hero climbing the tower.
You'll experience some really bad lows- some heartbreaking ones. But you'll be stronger from them and you will get through them all. You'll become even more stubborn so please remember to first listen before reacting, but don't let people walk over you because you want them to always see you as "nice".
Also stop bleaching and colouring your hair- IT WILL FALL OUT. Allow your skin to breathe without makeup for as long as possible. Don't be embarrassed to look overdressed, it'll become your thing. Stop caring about trying to make everyone like you, not everyone will like you, honestly, screw them you're pretty awesome. You'll also never really date anyone in school because you don't see the point and technically we're right...but it also doesn't hurt to say yes to the movies once in a while. You'll think you're so above being lame with young love and that you're really tough, but really you just missed out and now you have a million walls up...we haven't given up but now it's harder for us to let people in.
Before I scare ourselves too much (we don't wear floral dresses everyday now and Taylor Swift now has rappers in her songs) I leave the letter with this:
You will be surrounded by the same loving family and friends, plus some new amazing friends. You are honestly so lucky to have so many people that care for you. You will have travelled and experienced what it means to be independent. You will be frustrated that you're not where you want to be in life but you still work hard to make those dreams real. Sorry we're not married with kids yet according to our plan- but our plans will change and sorry to crush those picket fence dreams but you don't want that anymore- you want to be by yourself for awhile because self love is cool. Also...we're still a crazy ball of energy, an immature kid to the very end!
LOVE TAYE
XOXO (oh also, Gossip Girl and PLL ending sucks!)
Congrats, if you made it all the way through...although I'm making this public for you all to read I think it's so important to sit back and reflect on everything we've all achieved and gone through in our lives. Write your own letter to yourself, it doesn't need to be published anywhere but just so you can remind yourself how far you have come. Starting this letter off I thought it would go more along the lines of "Taye you're so much different now, you look different, you do adult things, you curse, you pay bills, look at me now". But really it's was more reflecting on things and events I haven't thought about it years because I thought I didn't care about them anymore but in reality they really affected me and they really shaped me into who I am now.
Here's to the next 10 years of figuring life, work and love out!
T x
Comments